It's Week Two of NaNoWriMo and it's painfully apparent that my WIP is a first draft. A hasty first draft. A barely-outlined-because-I-changed-all-of-the-world-rules-and-half-of-the-plot-the-night-before-November-first first draft. As a result, I've passed the 10,000 word mark and I have enough story to realize this is not what I wanted it to be like.
Welcome to Week Two - where nothing is what you thought it would be - December is still far away - and you are not sure you like your idea anymore.
For some people, everything is unicorns and rainbows still. The story is unfolding exactly how they hoped (maybe even better), and they're still bright-eyed with inspiration. This post is not for those people. This post is for those considering starting over, picking a different idea, or just quitting NaNoWriMo this year altogether.
I'm right there with you.
When your mental editor starts telling you that "This really suck . . ." or "Why on earth is that character wandering instead of doing something useful for the plot?" or "Why would anyone want to read this?", quitting seems like a logical way to fix the mess of your story and turn the evil twin of Jiminy Cricket off.
Yesterday, I let those lukewarm feelings toward my story take over. I put off my draft until late that night and then, instead of finding a way to motivate myself, I curled up to read a book. (It was like I was cheating on my novel). I let myself pretend I was being productive because I had gotten something done (by finishing that book). But, this morning, when I faced my NaNo novel, the sticky feelings of "Why am I still doing this if it isn't good?" were just as haunting.
This post is a reminder to myself (and anyone else feeling the same way) that when self-doubt hits, it's not a voice worth listening to - better to find new thoughts that keep you writing.
THOUGHTS FUELED BY SELF-DOUBT
- This isn't good enough OR This would never get published
- I'm not excited by this idea anymore
- I should start over OR I'll stop and try again next year
- I'm too tired/busy to write as well as I know I can
These are valid, frustrating feelings, but they're not conducive writing thoughts. For your mental health and your story's well being, these doubts need to go somewhere else for the duration of this month. They're not going to help you get better because all they do is repeat the same sentiment like a broken record. They're not born from a desire to make your a stronger writer; they're born from a desire to make you stop writing.
Why? Because writing is hard and writing is internal and writing matters. Since the act of creating a story takes a lot of work, digs into our psyche (which is conditioned to have negative self thoughts naturally anyway), and is so linked to our dreams - it's very easy for that voice to hit us where it hurts.
And, because it hurts (and we want our story to be so great), we would rather give up and try again later than continue making something bad.
But here's the secret.
You have to get through the bad to make something good. We all have heard time and again that writing takes practice - every day - even when it's hard.
Almost every famous writer talks about all the terrible first drafts or ideas they went through. It's not because this idea you're making can't be great, it's because writing is a process of layers. You have so many complexities to develop that it will take several passes to help each element shine as it deserves. But those revising passes can't happen if a draft doesn't exist.
That means we have to keep writing, even when we don't want to, even if it's bad, even if we might turn around and throw it all out just to start over from a completely new perspective. We have to prove to ourselves that we can finish. We will lean so much about our story and our writing by simply completing a draft.
But to do that, we have to train our minds not to think of something incomplete as "bad". Think of it like when the hero in a fantastical story is put under a spell and starts to see nightmares instead of what's real. That's what your self-doubt is doing to you. But there are ways to break the self-doubt's curse.
ways TO BREAK Through SELF-DOUBT
- Write down all the reasons writing makes you feel happy and fulfilled. Look at them before you start writing.
- Write down why you started this story in particular. Why is it important to you?
- Write down all the things you like about what you've written so far. Maybe it's only the color of hair you gave your protagonist - that's okay. It's something. Add to the list as you move forward.
- Put down your notebook or computer and go take a walk outside. Remember how the wind feels. Try smiling. Now go back and put those sensory experiences on the page to give your story life.
- Find a more specific goal. Instead of "I want this to be good" (which can be an ambiguous platform to reach), pick something like "I want to write 2,000 words today" or "I want this character to tell a joke in each scene he's in". Find things that you can achieve each day.
- Whenever you think something negative, write it down. If "I hate this character because he only exists to make that plot point happen" comes to you, pause, write it down for revisions later, and keep going. You'll fix it! Just not right now.
So. Let yourself write. Let yourself feel all the facets of that process - but don't let them control you. Let yourself learn from finishing a novel, even the parts of it that may not yet be great. Come December, we'll look at all the ways we can develop it to be everything you dreamed - together. But for now, practice writing. Practice writing when it's fun. Practice writing when you don't feel like it. Practice writing every day. Those are the skills - the healthy mental perspective and the dedication - that will allow you to become a strong and captivating writer.
- Katherine
